Five ways to combat office stress_#3

I have my googly eye on you. I purchased several pairs of googly eyeglasses from Oriental Trading company (oriental trading.com). Can you tell I love this store? These glasses have huge eyeballs attached to slinky-like boingy wires. The eyeballs bounce up and down delightfully. My friends and I would don these glasses and go for casual strolls around the office. For extra fun we’d pop our heads around the corner of a coworker’s door and stare at them until they looked up. Some screamed, some laughed, but none gave us the evil eye. Success! I had broken through their dual defenses of seriousness and humorlessness with my twin weapons of irreverence and surprise. One stated, dazed, “Blimey, I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition!”
Score one for ME! Googly eyeglasses: $12 for one dozen. The look on your coworkers’ faces: priceless. Your level of satisfaction and amusement: equally priceless!

Five ways to combat office stress_#4

Peep-a-licious!
If you don’t know what a Peep is, you are probably a devout health nut. These little marshmallow sugar treats used to come out just at Easter. Stuff a marshmallow into a mold shaped like a baby chick, cover it in yellow granulated yellow sugar and Viola! - a peep is born. They come in packets of 12 sugar-licious peeps. Later the Peep company branched out and now they have a seasonal selection of Halloween pumpkin peeps, red and green holiday peeps. Well, you get the picture.
While I was supposed to be hard at work. I search the Web for more tantalizing information about these habit-forming delicacies. My coworker swears stale peeps are the best. I prefer mine fresh. I read about contests where people make peep dioramas, creating miniature scenes from movies, literature, or out of the imagination. The dioramas, built in shoe boxes, use peeps as people, doll house furniture, and anything else handy. One year the winner had created a spot-on replica of a NYC diner with patrons, waiters, and miniature bar stools. Truly breathtaking! Second place was a scale model of King Arthur’s Court featuring Peeps of the Round Table. Other runners’ up included “Peeps Galore,” a pole-dancing peep in a miniature night club. ‘Nuff said. For hours of sugary fun, try build your own peep diorama. Look it up online for inspiration. And no, I am not making this stuff up!
For my attempt at creating peep world “Office Space” - style, I just had to look around me for inspiration. I meticulously handcrafted peep workers wearing shoelace neckties, peep-sized cubicles made from cutup cardboard boxes. I created tiny furniture. Tin foil covered erasers served as computer screens. A big peep boss walked by with a sticky note, like a cartoon bubble, attached to his head. It read “Get back to work!”

Five ways to combat office stress_#5

Peep Jousting!
You should read my previous blog, “Peep-a-licious” as a prerequisite to truly understand the deep meaning and poignancy of today’s blog. On this auspicious day, as self-appointed morale officer for the office, I declared Monday Peep Jousting Day. (Jousting is a medieval sport where two knights in full battle armor mount horses, hold ridiculously long lances, gallop towards each other at full speed and try to knock the other on his ass. Stupid, yes, but endlessly amusing to watch.) No knights or horses in this contest. Just gooey marshmallow goodness.
As team captain, I divided my coworkers into teams. Each coworker received one peep and a toothpick. Where is this going, you might ask? To the office kitchen, of course. I moved aside the mound of dirty, moldy coffee cups, stale pastries, and laid down the ground rules.
“Each of you has been given a mission. To dominate WWPJ, the Wide World of Peep Jousting. Please pick your favorite celebrity, living or dead. You will name your peep after said celebrity.”
The first two combatants put their peeps on a small paper plate, stuck the toothpicks partially into their peeps, and put them into the microwave.
“Let the jousting tournament commence!” I set the microwave for 1 minute, not knowing how long it actually takes for a peep to explode. Would it blow up the microwave? Who cares; it’s office property. I had set up the contest in heats. The first round we decimated David Letterman Peep. The second creamed Chris Rock Peep, and the third mashed Mike Myers Peep. Soon it was time for the final heat to determine the grand champion. On one side of the microwave, Paris Hilton Peep. On the other, defending champion Evander Holyfield Peep. I dropped the flag (started the microwave). The peeps immediately started to blow up like balloons as their gooey marshmallow centers expanded. Toothpicks rose up like lances into battle position, moving closer, closer . . . The tension in the room was palpable. Sweat trickled from my brow. Money exchanged hands in the back of the room. Paris Hilton’s toothpick lance rose like a flag, inched forward... and sank deep into Evander! The resulting explosion blew peep innards all over the microwave. (Somebody’s gonna have to clean that up!) Spontaneous cheers arose from all around the room. Victory was sweet - literally! The winner received ... a package of peeps.

The day the Stress-o-Meter exploded

The day the Stress-o-Meter exploded
At my stressful job, I finally got to the point of not caring. My attitude was, “If you have an issue, take a tissue!” There was a large tissue box conspicuously placed on the edge of my desk. A large sign near the door read “There will be a $10 charge for whining. My fees have gone up.”
The last straw was when I worked a 12-hour day. Not so irregular in my line of work. But, that day I was not feeling so well. Cursed with back problems for many years, I have downed more than my daily RDA of Motrin, Tylenol, and Asprin. My chiropractor was on speed dial. My back ached and I longed to curl up at my desk and put my feet up to alleviate the stress on my back. Of course, the big boss wanted everything NOW. No time for the luxury of sitting down. Oh, did I mention that I was extremely pregnant with my first child? I did not realize at first that I was in labor. Labor pains were supposed to be in front -- in the stomach area. My stomach felt fine; it was by back that was killing me. Later I learned that some women have back labor. Never heard of it! I finished my tasks for the day at 8 pm, now fully realizing I was about to have a baby. I was not a such a dedicated employee that I as willing to give birth at my desk. I went home. The next morning I said hello to my beautiful baby girl. What a change in perspective! She was the single most important thing in my life! Can I stay on maternity leave forever?

Mom Haiku

School has been cancelled. Bored kids take over the house. Crayon explosion!

Any artists out there?

Any artists out there? Why do many artists have such a hard time marketing themselves and making money? Everyone in my family is an artist: actor, musician, fine artist, writer, furniture designer, graphic artist. We ALL struggle with the money issue. I’ve heard that art, as a business, should be 10% inspiration, 90% perspiration. I guess that either artists are REALLY lazy, or they would rather have more fun being creative! I’m with the second choice! Play now; work later!

In praise of the dot

I am staring at a big white computer screen, fingers poised over the keyboard. Ten years ago I stared, pen in hand, at a blank page. Ten years before that I held a paintbrush and stared at a blank canvas. When I was 10 years old I grabbed fistful of crayons and stared at a blank page. Ten years before that I was the blank slate. Anothe ten years prior, I was in utero, just tiny cell, a dot, really. I guess that means every great artistic journey begins with a single dot. Profound, huh?