The old brain-in-the jar trick.
Oh, the days of unending boredom at the office. Day in day out. The same old thing. A-ha! I know what I’m gonna do today! I searched the Web for just the images I wanted. Then I printed out several pages of photographs onto 8 x 11” paper. A rubber ducky, a lobster, and brain, and other odd things that will swim or float when put in water. While I was dreaming up this devious, deceitful and delicious plan, I snickered and giggled, and even burst out laughing at times. My coworkers thought I had gone mad, mad in a good way, in a genius mad scientist way.
On Day One, or what I liked to call “day of the living ducks,” I taped the photo of the rubber duck to the back side of the water cooler. The effect I wanted was of a duck bobbing in a bathtub. It worked. When people filled a cup of water from the cooler, the bubbles made the illusion complete. Rubber ducky you’re the one, you make bathtime so much fun...
Next week, a bright red, life-sized lobster swam in the cool waters of Deer Park. With the realistic bubbling effect, it looked like it was simmering away in a stew pot, tonight’s dinner to be served with drawn butter.
Next week a brain floated in the water tank, a la Frankenstein. The water magnified the brain, and created a lovely 3-D effect. The bubbles made this production sheer perfection. I had succeeded in creating a prop for a realistic mad scientist’s lair. The old brain-in-a-jar trick. Let’s see who falls for it.
My hypothesis was that the senior staff would do a doubletake and look around angrily for the culprit. I hovered around the cooler for days, a half-smile on my face, just waiting for my first victim. I waited in vain. Sadly, I was incorrect in my assumptions. Preoccupied with the fate of the tax-paying world, the senior staff tragically did not even notice what was right before their eyes. A brain in a jar.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Five ways to combat office stress_#3
I have my googly eye on you. I purchased several pairs of googly eyeglasses from Oriental Trading company (oriental trading.com). Can you tell I love this store? These glasses have huge eyeballs attached to slinky-like boingy wires. The eyeballs bounce up and down delightfully. My friends and I would don these glasses and go for casual strolls around the office. For extra fun we’d pop our heads around the corner of a coworker’s door and stare at them until they looked up. Some screamed, some laughed, but none gave us the evil eye. Success! I had broken through their dual defenses of seriousness and humorlessness with my twin weapons of irreverence and surprise. One stated, dazed, “Blimey, I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition!”
Score one for ME! Googly eyeglasses: $12 for one dozen. The look on your coworkers’ faces: priceless. Your level of satisfaction and amusement: equally priceless!
Score one for ME! Googly eyeglasses: $12 for one dozen. The look on your coworkers’ faces: priceless. Your level of satisfaction and amusement: equally priceless!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Five ways to combat office stress_#4
Peep-a-licious!
If you don’t know what a Peep is, you are probably a devout health nut. These little marshmallow sugar treats used to come out just at Easter. Stuff a marshmallow into a mold shaped like a baby chick, cover it in yellow granulated yellow sugar and Viola! - a peep is born. They come in packets of 12 sugar-licious peeps. Later the Peep company branched out and now they have a seasonal selection of Halloween pumpkin peeps, red and green holiday peeps. Well, you get the picture.
While I was supposed to be hard at work. I search the Web for more tantalizing information about these habit-forming delicacies. My coworker swears stale peeps are the best. I prefer mine fresh. I read about contests where people make peep dioramas, creating miniature scenes from movies, literature, or out of the imagination. The dioramas, built in shoe boxes, use peeps as people, doll house furniture, and anything else handy. One year the winner had created a spot-on replica of a NYC diner with patrons, waiters, and miniature bar stools. Truly breathtaking! Second place was a scale model of King Arthur’s Court featuring Peeps of the Round Table. Other runners’ up included “Peeps Galore,” a pole-dancing peep in a miniature night club. ‘Nuff said. For hours of sugary fun, try build your own peep diorama. Look it up online for inspiration. And no, I am not making this stuff up!
For my attempt at creating peep world “Office Space” - style, I just had to look around me for inspiration. I meticulously handcrafted peep workers wearing shoelace neckties, peep-sized cubicles made from cutup cardboard boxes. I created tiny furniture. Tin foil covered erasers served as computer screens. A big peep boss walked by with a sticky note, like a cartoon bubble, attached to his head. It read “Get back to work!”
If you don’t know what a Peep is, you are probably a devout health nut. These little marshmallow sugar treats used to come out just at Easter. Stuff a marshmallow into a mold shaped like a baby chick, cover it in yellow granulated yellow sugar and Viola! - a peep is born. They come in packets of 12 sugar-licious peeps. Later the Peep company branched out and now they have a seasonal selection of Halloween pumpkin peeps, red and green holiday peeps. Well, you get the picture.
While I was supposed to be hard at work. I search the Web for more tantalizing information about these habit-forming delicacies. My coworker swears stale peeps are the best. I prefer mine fresh. I read about contests where people make peep dioramas, creating miniature scenes from movies, literature, or out of the imagination. The dioramas, built in shoe boxes, use peeps as people, doll house furniture, and anything else handy. One year the winner had created a spot-on replica of a NYC diner with patrons, waiters, and miniature bar stools. Truly breathtaking! Second place was a scale model of King Arthur’s Court featuring Peeps of the Round Table. Other runners’ up included “Peeps Galore,” a pole-dancing peep in a miniature night club. ‘Nuff said. For hours of sugary fun, try build your own peep diorama. Look it up online for inspiration. And no, I am not making this stuff up!
For my attempt at creating peep world “Office Space” - style, I just had to look around me for inspiration. I meticulously handcrafted peep workers wearing shoelace neckties, peep-sized cubicles made from cutup cardboard boxes. I created tiny furniture. Tin foil covered erasers served as computer screens. A big peep boss walked by with a sticky note, like a cartoon bubble, attached to his head. It read “Get back to work!”
Friday, April 1, 2011
Five ways to combat office stress_#5
Peep Jousting!
You should read my previous blog, “Peep-a-licious” as a prerequisite to truly understand the deep meaning and poignancy of today’s blog. On this auspicious day, as self-appointed morale officer for the office, I declared Monday Peep Jousting Day. (Jousting is a medieval sport where two knights in full battle armor mount horses, hold ridiculously long lances, gallop towards each other at full speed and try to knock the other on his ass. Stupid, yes, but endlessly amusing to watch.) No knights or horses in this contest. Just gooey marshmallow goodness.
As team captain, I divided my coworkers into teams. Each coworker received one peep and a toothpick. Where is this going, you might ask? To the office kitchen, of course. I moved aside the mound of dirty, moldy coffee cups, stale pastries, and laid down the ground rules.
“Each of you has been given a mission. To dominate WWPJ, the Wide World of Peep Jousting. Please pick your favorite celebrity, living or dead. You will name your peep after said celebrity.”
The first two combatants put their peeps on a small paper plate, stuck the toothpicks partially into their peeps, and put them into the microwave.
“Let the jousting tournament commence!” I set the microwave for 1 minute, not knowing how long it actually takes for a peep to explode. Would it blow up the microwave? Who cares; it’s office property. I had set up the contest in heats. The first round we decimated David Letterman Peep. The second creamed Chris Rock Peep, and the third mashed Mike Myers Peep. Soon it was time for the final heat to determine the grand champion. On one side of the microwave, Paris Hilton Peep. On the other, defending champion Evander Holyfield Peep. I dropped the flag (started the microwave). The peeps immediately started to blow up like balloons as their gooey marshmallow centers expanded. Toothpicks rose up like lances into battle position, moving closer, closer . . . The tension in the room was palpable. Sweat trickled from my brow. Money exchanged hands in the back of the room. Paris Hilton’s toothpick lance rose like a flag, inched forward... and sank deep into Evander! The resulting explosion blew peep innards all over the microwave. (Somebody’s gonna have to clean that up!) Spontaneous cheers arose from all around the room. Victory was sweet - literally! The winner received ... a package of peeps.
You should read my previous blog, “Peep-a-licious” as a prerequisite to truly understand the deep meaning and poignancy of today’s blog. On this auspicious day, as self-appointed morale officer for the office, I declared Monday Peep Jousting Day. (Jousting is a medieval sport where two knights in full battle armor mount horses, hold ridiculously long lances, gallop towards each other at full speed and try to knock the other on his ass. Stupid, yes, but endlessly amusing to watch.) No knights or horses in this contest. Just gooey marshmallow goodness.
As team captain, I divided my coworkers into teams. Each coworker received one peep and a toothpick. Where is this going, you might ask? To the office kitchen, of course. I moved aside the mound of dirty, moldy coffee cups, stale pastries, and laid down the ground rules.
“Each of you has been given a mission. To dominate WWPJ, the Wide World of Peep Jousting. Please pick your favorite celebrity, living or dead. You will name your peep after said celebrity.”
The first two combatants put their peeps on a small paper plate, stuck the toothpicks partially into their peeps, and put them into the microwave.
“Let the jousting tournament commence!” I set the microwave for 1 minute, not knowing how long it actually takes for a peep to explode. Would it blow up the microwave? Who cares; it’s office property. I had set up the contest in heats. The first round we decimated David Letterman Peep. The second creamed Chris Rock Peep, and the third mashed Mike Myers Peep. Soon it was time for the final heat to determine the grand champion. On one side of the microwave, Paris Hilton Peep. On the other, defending champion Evander Holyfield Peep. I dropped the flag (started the microwave). The peeps immediately started to blow up like balloons as their gooey marshmallow centers expanded. Toothpicks rose up like lances into battle position, moving closer, closer . . . The tension in the room was palpable. Sweat trickled from my brow. Money exchanged hands in the back of the room. Paris Hilton’s toothpick lance rose like a flag, inched forward... and sank deep into Evander! The resulting explosion blew peep innards all over the microwave. (Somebody’s gonna have to clean that up!) Spontaneous cheers arose from all around the room. Victory was sweet - literally! The winner received ... a package of peeps.
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